when i die, what remains will be heavy. go next door to the lhakpa’s, and ask their oldest boy to lend a hand with something. do not frighten the younger children by saying what it is. simply lead the boy up to our bedroom and have him wrap my body in the old sheets, the ones your aunt gave us on our wedding day. ask him to carry me down the stairs and load me into the trunk of the jeep. reassure him if he should bump my head along the way. tell him i do not mind now. thank the boy, and give tip him well. say: if you do not tell your mother and father what we are doing, and in exchange for your help once more, i will give you three times that tomorrow. the boy will accept. say you will pick him up at six the next morning.

pick him up at six thirty, since he is young, and unlikely to be up so early. have him drive with you through the mountain passes to the monastery in lhasa. when you arrive, ask for the lama to come out and find you. say you wish to begin the ceremony as soon as possible. from the windows and the alleys and the doors, watch the monks flutter out like fall leaves. observe how they drip from the cracks like cold rain. the monks will gather in the courtyard. they will chant mantra and light the juniper incense. do nothing but be silent and still, and when they are done, bow in gratitude. do not leave without contributing a sizable donation. behind the icebox, there is an old coffee can i hid away many years ago. give the monks all the money inside it.

you and the boy will have to leave the jeep, for you must carry my body the rest of the way. it will have to be you though. instruct the boy to tie my body to your back. have him collapse my legs in and under my stomach so that i fit you like a little tortoise shell. i will be small though stiff, and the boy should not hesitate to use a strong rope. promise him that i will not feel it. they have paved the road leading up the mountain, but it is steep, and there will be no stopping once you are on foot. drink a touch of water before you depart, and have the boy secure my arms around your neck. this shall be the last time we touch.

at the top of the mountain, the body-breakers will be waiting for you. give me over to the ones in the body suits. it is they who will dismember me ahead of the offering. the others are there to keep the vultures at bay until all is prepared. do not be afraid of the birds. do not hate them. they look frightening, but they are not. they simply receive what we freely give, what we have no further use for.

once you have surrendered me, do not stay to watch. take the boy back down the mountain and return to the car. let him drive the entire way back. offer to buy him lunch at a place along the way. he will be polite and tell you no. insist. tell him i insisted.